Please lend me a few minutes of your time, as I share something personal with you.

At the moment I am writing these words, I am feeling a feeling, a feeling that I can’t quite put my finger on how to describe. It feels like, little bit of sadness, a bit of exhaustion, a bit of disappointment, a bit of loneliness, some fear, some self-doubt, a bit of confusion, a bit lost, some grief, all rolled up in to one big emotion, that I can’t name. How could all those little bits of negative emotions take up one soul all at the same time?

Honestly, I feel like I don’t belong here (on this Earth ?), like I don’t belong anywhere. I feel so like an outsider on my own planet. I feel like I don’t fit anywhere.

I wonder how many other people on this planet feel like that. How many others experience emotions the way I do. Will I ever find others as weird as me, who will make me feel at home, connected? Am I doomed to always feel this way?

In the bible, I remember learning verses that says we are in this world, but not of this world. I use to like that thought, I think, because I did not feel of this world, but after what I have witnessed the last few years of those who call themselves “believers,” I hate it, because it has led so-called believers to not hold themselves accountable for their actions and behaviors in this world. They have chosen not to look out for their neighbors and planet, as though they believe it doesn’t matter because they have somewhere to go in the afterlife. I think, whether there is an afterlife or not, they are going to be unpleasantly surprised.

I read a quote on Instagram (@balancebycamiliee) that goes like this, “If you feel like you don’t fit in this world, it is because you are here to help create a new one.”

That quote gave me life because that’s exactly how I feel.

I keep feeling like I am meant to do something extraordinary and beyond my imagination during my time on this Earth ?, but sometimes, more often than I would like, I get hit with a mix of negative emotions mushed into one nameless emotion I can’t describe and all I want to do is run away from it, but I have nowhere to go, that I can think of, where I would be truly free.

I saw another compelling quote on Instagram, that says:

Empaths: Sometimes that anxiety or depression you’re feeling isn’t yours! You are probably overloaded with other people’s stuff. You’re nervous system is on overdrive and needs a break! By Gurds Hundal @iamgurds

Maybe that’s it.